Coming out on Facebook

 min read
April 18, 2022

On May 10th at 8:30pm I came out publicly on Facebook to all of my friends. I did so for many reasons. I was tired of hiding and telling people individually, tired of being scared people would find out somehow and not from me first. I did so knowing I had an amazing core support of friends and family who already supported me, so if I lost anyone over Facebook, it wouldn’t matter as much to me.

This is what I posted, along with the below picture of myself.

PLEASE NOTE: In this post, I use language to describe myself that I no longer use. I was still learning and would later realize that some of the terminology was harmful/incorrect, and have since amended. See note after for a description of what I would say differently now. I have placed in red the phrases I would no longer use.

coming out FB pic
IMPORTANT PSA: Please read this!
Hey everybody! So if you've been following me on social media over the past year, I'm sure you've noticed changes in my appearance, my clothes, my gender expression. I am no longer girly or feminine; my chest is flat; I wear ties instead of dresses. This post is to affirm your suspicions: I am transgender. For those unfamiliar with this term, it means that the gender in my mind does not match my body's biological sex. I was born female, and I identify as male. I have medically begun my transition to male. If you have questions as to what that means, please ask me. I would much rather you ask than let your concerns and questions linger in your head. But I am an open book, not a punching bag. Please don't be mean or hateful. If you don't understand, ask. If you don't agree with my decisions, please at least respect me. I am still a person. And I assure you I'm still the same goofy, nerdy, crazy Schuyler that you've known. I'm not changing who I am, I'm not changing my personality. I am only changing my body so it matches my insides and my feelings. And lastly, in terms of swimming: I will be swimming for Harvard men's swim team in the fall instead of the women's team. Harvard's swimming as a whole has been incredible in this process, providing me with the amazing opportunity to be me and continue my transition.
Please refer to me with he/him/his pronouns. I understand this will take time to adjust -- I don't offend easily, as long as you are trying. If you would like to see more of my journey and transition, contact me and, like I said, I'm definitely willing to talk and explain.
Also, I have been working on coming out to people individually but it's been an overwhelming and slow process. At this point, I am tired of hiding and worrying that people will find out. Hence this PSA. So please don't feel lesser or left out if I haven't told you before now. Like I said, I'm still Schuyler.
Thank all of you who already support and love me unconditionally. A special shout-out to Harvard swimming, my parents, my brother, and my best friend who have saved my life repeatedly -- by loving me and in turn, showing me how I can love myself. I wouldn't be here writing this today if it weren't for all of them. Thank you for taking time from your day to read this. Have a great day :)

I received overwhelming support and love and a plethora of messages from friends and family. It was a pretty incredible experience; eye-opening in many ways. I am learning to trust people and give them some credit as I learn how to love myself. I received many messages and love even from people I hadn’t talked to in years. It was truly incredible, and I’m so grateful for everyone in my life.

TERMINOLOGY NOTE: As stated before, I would not use the same exact language today to describe my body and my transition as I did in 2015 in red text in the first paragraph — “…it means that the gender in my mind does not match my body’s biological sex. I was born female, and I identify as male. I have medically begun my transition to male.” I no longer describe myself as being “born female.” Instead, I say, “I was assigned female at birth.” Because, in reality, I was never truly female. I was assigned it. My gender has not changed – I have only gained the vocabulary and education to be able to describe it and express it to myself and others. The thing that changed was the expression of myself. Additionally, I have also learned in college that “biological sex” is actually a spectrum and it really isn’t factually/biologically possible to declare a body “biologically female.” Please see this page for more about proper terminology.

Lastly, during the beginning of my transition, I was provided a lot of language about how transgender people were “born in the wrong body” or that I, a transboy, was “just a boy born into a girl’s body.” Over time, I have rejected that language because I do not see my body as wrong or not my own. My body is mine, and I am a man. Therefore, my body is a man’s body. I have included two more recent posts about this below: